Today marks the open ended possibilities of a new year. It is 2012. Happy New Year!
I did not start a new year's resolution to diet, but I have been working out for a few days now. I did, however, decide to make a deal with myself to run at least one mile a day. And today, this very new day of a brand spanking new year, I ran. Wait, the way I feel about myself here on day one of a completed 1/2 moderate pace walk, half run of a mile, is amazing and it should read: I ran!!
I'm very proud of myself even though I know this is only one time. It is a beginning. One I have begun before, but I have so much hope for 2012, that I just have to believe that this time will be my time. I'm not looking to be super model skinny, or never eat bad foods again, but I am looking for a more fit me. I'm so out of shape that if I truly needed to fight for my life, I may not physically be able to do so. Survival of the fittest, and sadly I'm not fit. Or heatlhy.
Anyway, it was so hard to keep moving on that treadmill where I clocked my first mile of a hopefully at least 365 mile trek for the year. Plus 13.1 glorious miles when I complete my first half marathon.
I am working with Paul to set up concrete, workable goals. Let's face it, I love junk food. I can't say I won't eat it, but I will try to eat it a lot less often. I will try to think about how the food I eat will nourish my body.
I hope by working on my fitness, I will become a more healthy, energetic, and overall happier person. I get so sad at times due to the physical side of my body. It is hard to look in the mirror, to wear clothes I like, to not feel horrible when we have social events to go to and I have to wear clothes I don't feel comfortable in, or worse yet, clothes that just aren't me. I want to go into a store and buy any shirt, pants, dress I want. I want to get photographed and love how I look. I'm tired of being the chick in pictures who always looks horrible. I hate being so judgemental about myself, but the reality is, I am. Because of all of this, I'm searching for happiness. I want to find happiness. I will find happiness.
I did my part today. I ran! I'm hoping to get another half hour of the wii in and continue this pattern for a long time. So, after reading this, you know what it is like for an obese woman to run toward her thinner future.
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